Silence Serves

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I got sick, and lost my voice-COMPLETELY.  A whole day of no talking, and about 5 days now with a hoarse voice.

The universe has spoken and it has said: Shut Up.

I’VE BEEN SILENCED! What the heck. Soooo interesting.  A whole new experience of life. I spent an afternoon with my mother, who I don’t see often.  I was completely silent.  I listened.  I paid very close attention.  We drank tea on the porch.  I smiled and nodded.  I followed her in the garden.  I used signs/gestures when needed. (I have a whole new appreciation for Charades! Why wait for game night?) IMG_6863 I then went to a gathering of friends-some of whom I rarely see, most of whom I went to high school with.  And I was the quiet one. AND the sober one. This is an entirely new way to experience a group of friends.  I listened and watched closely.  I noticed that in the beginning, there wasn’t much I wanted to say anyway- which is a pattern I’ve realized about myself- and had been ‘struggling’ with.  Losing voice gave me an ‘okay’ to be that person. I found a new peace with being the quiet person.  I also noticed tension when I wasn’t able to validate what someone was saying (Ya, totally, MmHmm,).  Apparently this is very important to me.

And most of all, during all this watching, paying attention, holding back…. I noticed a flood of good sensation deep in my chest.  Pure love pouring in and out.  Love and appreciation for my mother, for my friends.  I saw them as the most precious beings on the planet.  Doing their part.  Playing their roles.  Expressing all their little unique quirks and ways of being.  Perfect the way they are.  Filled with gratitude to know them and spend time with them.   IMG_6920 With my friends I also gained insight into the way I show up in a group.  I noticed where I still held tension and anxiety. I noticed the patterns of self-talk going on in my head.  I identified patterns that no longer serve me, that I can let go of.  And I identified aspects of myself I really love, and want to nourish more!IMG_6926 This is the spiritual practice.  To notice, and then to keep flowing, and to flow from love and with love.  I allow the little blips (oops, that was awkward/unneeded, Oh well, keep going) and to keep flowing, accepting each moment, allowing it to come and go, so I can be completely open and ready for the next moment.  And when I can, I feel so much love, and experience more creativity in the way I show up, and more appreciation for others and how they show up.
Silence helped me see this.
Unfortunately I got sick and lost my voice.
Fortunately this silence brought me closer to myself and the world.

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Life only needs a crack to thrive.

Aside

Mindfulness Matters Most!

sutra chocheat

 

NOT eating treats is one very interesting experiment.  Strengthening willpower.  Having a different experience in my body.,  ANOTHER interesting experiment is eating treats and then staying grounded, staying present and mindful, watching myself objectively.  Can I find my positivity despite the uncomfortable physical sensations often associated with coffee/sugar??? Can I be more powerful than the sugar and how it makes me feel? This is an interesting perspective to try on.

Treats are here as a beautiful part of the human experience! I love finding ways to integrate them into my life in a positive way…

 

Video

Cleaning Windows

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Hello friends!

A friend of mine wrote the following piece.  I am inspired by the way she looks at life. I am inspired by her perseverance.  I love how her process with the windows is a perfect metaphor for the times in life when effort is needed for change.  Staying committed to a goal requires us to be patient, and dig deeper for the strength that is already there, available for us to access and use.  Thank you friend for sharing your experience. ❤ 

Clean Windows

I wanted clean windows. When I tried to look through them, all I could focus on was the cloudy, smudgy, dirt. I could have cleaned just one for a slightly better view, but why stop there? Why not have a clear view no matter what window I look out of? So it was decided, I will have clean windows. I went and bought the supplies, got my ladder, put on my cleaning clothes, and set the music. I was ready. “This won’t be so bad”, I thought, “People clean windows all the time.” Twenty minutes in I was sweaty, dirty, and all I could smell was the chemicals. The squeegee wasn’t working like I had expected it to and I kept feeling like I was loosing my balance while on the ladder. Then when I thought I was in the groove of it all…crash. A pane of glass, that wasn’t in its track correctly, fell and shattered. I took a break and cried a little, but I couldn’t give up. I wanted to see clearly though my windows. I wanted the sun to shine in unfiltered. I cleaned up the glass, found a replacement in the basement, and got back to work. When I thought I was done, I audited my work and realized there were still quite a few streaks. I had to go back and clear them because I knew I wouldn’t be able to look past them. Three hours of balancing, getting dirty, using unused muscles, breathing in chemicals and I finally could see clear through my windows as if there was no panes of glass there at all.

I was reflecting on this later when I realized this is a great metaphor for life. To be able to see clearly, you have to do work. You could do a little work and see through one “window” but that won’t give you the full view and you might still focus on the windows that are still dirty. Cleaning all the windows might be more challenging than you anticipate. You may feel like you got it, like you are on the right path, then “boom…crash”…a set back, a window breaks. You may get frustrated, shed some tears, and may need to step back for a moment. You may even think you have reached the end but then realize there is more to do. When you do finally reach that goal of being clear, you will realize there is so much to look at. So many small details will be present that you weren’t able to see with all the cloudiness in the way. But remember, you have to keep up with the cleaning or else your windows will become dirty once again. Smudges will happen, people will leave fingerprints, messiness will find its way, and its up to you to remove what accumulates, to keep cleaning the windows. 🙂