Silence Serves

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I got sick, and lost my voice-COMPLETELY.  A whole day of no talking, and about 5 days now with a hoarse voice.

The universe has spoken and it has said: Shut Up.

I’VE BEEN SILENCED! What the heck. Soooo interesting.  A whole new experience of life. I spent an afternoon with my mother, who I don’t see often.  I was completely silent.  I listened.  I paid very close attention.  We drank tea on the porch.  I smiled and nodded.  I followed her in the garden.  I used signs/gestures when needed. (I have a whole new appreciation for Charades! Why wait for game night?) IMG_6863 I then went to a gathering of friends-some of whom I rarely see, most of whom I went to high school with.  And I was the quiet one. AND the sober one. This is an entirely new way to experience a group of friends.  I listened and watched closely.  I noticed that in the beginning, there wasn’t much I wanted to say anyway- which is a pattern I’ve realized about myself- and had been ‘struggling’ with.  Losing voice gave me an ‘okay’ to be that person. I found a new peace with being the quiet person.  I also noticed tension when I wasn’t able to validate what someone was saying (Ya, totally, MmHmm,).  Apparently this is very important to me.

And most of all, during all this watching, paying attention, holding back…. I noticed a flood of good sensation deep in my chest.  Pure love pouring in and out.  Love and appreciation for my mother, for my friends.  I saw them as the most precious beings on the planet.  Doing their part.  Playing their roles.  Expressing all their little unique quirks and ways of being.  Perfect the way they are.  Filled with gratitude to know them and spend time with them.   IMG_6920 With my friends I also gained insight into the way I show up in a group.  I noticed where I still held tension and anxiety. I noticed the patterns of self-talk going on in my head.  I identified patterns that no longer serve me, that I can let go of.  And I identified aspects of myself I really love, and want to nourish more!IMG_6926 This is the spiritual practice.  To notice, and then to keep flowing, and to flow from love and with love.  I allow the little blips (oops, that was awkward/unneeded, Oh well, keep going) and to keep flowing, accepting each moment, allowing it to come and go, so I can be completely open and ready for the next moment.  And when I can, I feel so much love, and experience more creativity in the way I show up, and more appreciation for others and how they show up.
Silence helped me see this.
Unfortunately I got sick and lost my voice.
Fortunately this silence brought me closer to myself and the world.

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Life only needs a crack to thrive.

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Aside

1 Comment (+add yours?)

  1. Dan
    May 21, 2014 @ 18:31:03

    As you rediscovered, communication isn’t necessarily verbal expression. Just being an active part of someones life communicates loads, and it doesn’t have to be day to day! Think how much a shared experience communicates to another person just by subtle glances, a shared smile over something beautiful. As odd it may sound you also do that with yourself. Think of a solitary walk. What are you thinking about and communicating to yourself? Sometimes it communicates “I love this life and want to share it with others!” Time to communicate more of this to yourself, and share the (as you have discovered how valuable it is) verbal experiences with those you truly value.

    Reply

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